From the only reliable news source on the internet, the Onion. The new Star Trek movie opens today. We will quickly learn if there will be a divergence of reaction between the hard-core “yes-this-Star-Trek-uniform-is-what-I’m-wearing-for-jury-duty” and the rest of us Terrans. I hope the acting is several notches above what can be seen for free on the net in the Star Trek Phase II episodes.
While we are at it, here is my rating order for the six original Trek movies:
1. Star Trek II: Ricardo Montalban as Khan was truly unforgettable, and made the most compelling of the Star Trek villians. Shatner gives the best performance of his career as Kirk copes with not only a villain but also middle age. Excitement, good combat scenes, humor, the Genesis Project, what more could a Trek fan ask for?
2. Star Trek VI: Perestroika in Space. What happens when the Klingons and the Federation decide to attempt to make peace? Christopher Plummer is brilliant as Chang, with the memorable line: “In space all warriors are cold warriors!” Kirk’s reaction to the prospect of peace initially with the Klingons, “Let them die!” was a rare bit of honest emotional reaction in a franchise often cloyingly PC. The comparisons of the Klingon empire to the dying Soviet Union, down to a Klingon gulag, make this now an interesting period piece.
3. Star Trek IV: Save the whales. The most humorous of the movies and none of it is to be taken seriously including the heavy-handed “green” message. Hearing Russian Chehkov asking a cop in mid-eighties San Francisco “Which way to the nuclear wessels?” was almost worth the price of admission alone.
4. Star Trek III: A bit melodramatic for my tastes with the murder of Kirk’s son by the Klingons, but Christopher Lloyd does a competent job as the ruthless Klingon commander.
5. Star Trek I: About the best that can be said for this mess is that it was the first. Tedious to sit through.
6. Star Trek V: Proof that letting Shatner direct should be considered a crime against humanity. Boring, silly, pretentious, etc. Reviews at the time and since have almost all been devastating. Here is a fair example. One of the worst movie going experiences my wife and I have ever suffered through. So bad that many Trek fans refuse to include it in the movie canon. No redeeming features.