You’ve Come A Long Way Baby?

From the only reliable source of news on the net, the Onion.  Well, even a cursory study of history would reveal that men have absolutely nothing to teach women when it comes to ruling ruthlessly and effectively.  My sainted mother, a truly formidable lady, rather liked this poem from Kipling:

                        The Female of the Species

    WHEN the Himalayan peasant meets the he-bear in his pride,
    He shouts to scare the monster, who will often turn aside.
    But the she-bear thus accosted rends the peasant tooth and nail.
    For the female of the species is more deadly than the male.

    When Nag the basking cobra hears the careless foot of man,
    He will sometimes wriggle sideways and avoid it if he can.
    But his mate makes no such motion where she camps beside the trail.
    For the female of the species is more deadly than the male.

    When the early Jesuit fathers preached to Hurons and Choctaws,
    They prayed to be delivered from the vengeance of the squaws.
    ‘Twas the women, not the warriors, turned those stark enthusiasts pale.
    For the female of the species is more deadly than the male.

    Man’s timid heart is bursting with the things he must not say,
    For the Woman that God gave him isn’t his to give away;
    But when hunter meets with husbands, each confirms the other’s tale—
    The female of the species is more deadly than the male.

    Man, a bear in most relations—worm and savage otherwise,—
    Man propounds negotiations, Man accepts the compromise.
    Very rarely will he squarely push the logic of a fact
    To its ultimate conclusion in unmitigated act.

    Fear, or foolishness, impels him, ere he lay the wicked low,
    To concede some form of trial even to his fiercest foe.
    Mirth obscene diverts his anger—Doubt and Pity oft perplex
    Him in dealing with an issue—to the scandal of The Sex!

    But the Woman that God gave him, every fibre of her frame
    Proves her launched for one sole issue, armed and engined for the same;
    And to serve that single issue, lest the generations fail,
    The female of the species must be deadlier than the male.

    She who faces Death by torture for each life beneath her breast
    May not deal in doubt or pity—must not swerve for fact or jest.
    These be purely male diversions—not in these her honour dwells—
    She the Other Law we live by, is that Law and nothing else.

    She can bring no more to living than the powers that make her great
    As the Mother of the Infant and the Mistress of the Mate.
    And when Babe and Man are lacking and she strides unclaimed to claim
    Her right as femme (and baron), her equipment is the same.

    She is wedded to convictions—in default of grosser ties;
    Her contentions are her children, Heaven help him who denies!—
    He will meet no suave discussion, but the instant, white-hot, wild,
    Wakened female of the species warring as for spouse and child.

    Unprovoked and awful charges—even so the she-bear fights,
    Speech that drips, corrodes, and poisons—even so the cobra bites,
    Scientific vivisection of one nerve till it is raw
    And the victim writhes in anguish—like the Jesuit with the squaw!

    So it comes that Man, the coward, when he gathers to confer
    With his fellow-braves in council, dare not leave a place for her
    Where, at war with Life and Conscience, he uplifts his erring hands
    To some God of Abstract Justice—which no woman understands.

    And Man knows it! Knows, moreover, that the Woman that God gave him
    Must command but may not govern—shall enthral but not enslave him.
    And She knows, because She warns him, and Her instincts never fail,
    That the Female of Her Species is more deadly than the Male.



6 Responses to You’ve Come A Long Way Baby?

  1. c matt says:

    What…nobody wants to touch this one?

  2. I got a laugh out of it, I just didn’t have anything to say.

  3. Subvet says:

    Hmm. They got nukes? Could be trouble when PMS strikes.

  4. Donald R. McClarey says:

    (Guest comment from Don’s wife Cathy:) Our daughter continues the tradition of formidable McClarey ladies, terrorizing her big brothers since infancy. (“I scared of sister!” was one of our oldest’s first clear sentences, once he figured out that the crying baby was a girl.)

  5. Elaine Krewer says:

    “They got nukes? Could be trouble when PMS strikes.”

    Although my dislike for Rush Limbaugh has been noted in earlier posts, I do think one of his funniest “ideas” was that of forming battalions of women soldiers who would rotate combat duties so that they would all go to the front lines at “that time of the month.”

    Perhaps the figure who came the closest to being a bona fide female dictator in modern history would be Madame Nhu of South Vietnam. Although officially First Lady to her bachelor brother-in-law, President Nhu, it appears that she actually called the shots for him:

    Correct me if I’m wrong, but I don’t think other famous (or infamous) female political figures like Evita Peron and Imelda Marcos were known or believed to have exerted quite as much control over their husbands who were the actual heads of state, as Madame Nhu did.

  6. Blackadder says:

    Madame Nhu is still alive? I did not know that.

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