T. Coddington Van Voorhees VII Weighs in on the Delaware Race

Friday, September 17, 2010 \AM\.\Fri\.

The indispensable Iowahawk brings us again the thoughts of T. Coddington Van Voorhees VII, Rino of the Rinos, and his musings on the Christine O’Donnell victory in the Delaware GOP Senate primary:

Thus I assumed when the Delaware Republican party approached me last week requesting high-level strategic advice it was in regards to the November general election. Mr. Biden’s elevation to the executive branch created an open Senate seat and, mercifully, a rare moment of kismet for moderate and intellectual conservatives; here, at last, the right kind of seat, for the right kind of state, and the right kind of candidate in Mr. Mike Castle. With his nomination a forgone conclusion and a voting record scarcely distinguishable from Mr. Biden’s, Mr. Castle would be undoubtedly competitive in November and could be supported by a better stripe of conservative without fear of Washington social embarrassment. Better yet, his nomination would represent a return to the rational conservatism which has been all but eclipsed by the dark moon of Tea Party lunacy. All that remained to formulate a strategy to position Mr. Castle further to the center for the general election, and to make arrangements for cocktails; two task for which I am eminently qualified and brimming with ideas. Instead, I was mortified to learn from party officials that they were in fact seeking help in parrying a primary challenge to Mr. Castle from a dark horse Republican who was in the midst of a last minute charge in the polls.

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ObamaCare And The Bard

Monday, March 8, 2010 \PM\.\Mon\.

Hattip to my friend and blogging colleague Darwin Catholic.  The indispensable Iowahawk gives his own unique take on the famed “Band of Brothers” speech.

ACT XXIV, SCENE 13. On the eve of the health care battle.

Enter the PRESIDENT.


O that we now had here
But one one-hundred of those Blue Dogs 
That face no re-election to-day!


What’s she that wishes so?
My handmaiden Pelosi? No, my fair lady;
If by ballot we are mark’d to die, we are enow
To do our party loss; and if to live,
The fewer men, the greater share of ear-marks.
Who cares! I pray thee, wish not one vote more
Than is needed for simple majority.
By Alinsky, I am not covetous for gold,
Nor care I who doth feed at my state dinners;
It yearns me not that Ashton and Demi my t-shirts wear;
Such outward things are cool but dwell not in my desires.
But if it be a sin to covet permanent state control,
I am the most offending soul alive.
No, faith, Madame Speaker, wish not a man from a swing district.
Screw that! I would not lose so great a bill
As one man more methinks would share from me
For the last hope I have. O, do not wish one more!
Rather proclaim it, Pelosi, through my hosts on CNN,
That he which hath no stomach to this fight,
Let him depart; his passport shall be made,
And a token DNC contribution put into his media fund;
But speak not again his traitorous name,
For his re-election is likewise screw’d. 

Go hereth to readeth the rest.

Update:  Father Z has some talented commenters in his comboxes:

Mark Anthony Obama
Easter Monday 2010

Friends, Chicagoans, flaming liberals, lend me your ears;
I come to bury Health Care, not to praise him;
The evil that men do lives after them,
The good is oft interréd with their bones,
So let it be with Health Care…. The noble Boehner
Hath told you Health Care was ambitious:
If it were so, it was a grievous fault,
And grievously hath Health Care answered it….
Here, under leave of Boehner and the rest,
(For Boehner is an honourable man;
So are they all; all honourable men)
Come I to speak in Health Care’s funeral….
He was my friend, faithful and just to me:
But Boehner says he was ambitious;
And Boehner is an honourable man….
He would hath brought many people to the emergency room,
Whose expenses would the general coffers empty:
Did this in Health Care seem ambitious?
When that the poor have cried, Health Care hath wept:
Ambition should be made of sterner stuff:
Yet Boehner says he was ambitious;
And Boehner is an honourable man.
You all did see that on the congressional floor
I thrice presented him a kingly crown,
Which he did thrice fail to pass: was this ambition?
Yet Boehner says he was ambitious;
And, sure, he is an honourable man.
I speak not to disprove what Boehner spoke,
But here I am to speak what I do know.
You all did love him once, not without cause:
What cause withholds you then to mourn for him?
O judgement! thou art fled to brutish beasts,
And men have lost their reason…. Bear with me;
My heart is in the coffin there with Health Care,
And I must pause till it come back to me.

Comment by Eric


Wherefore was that cry?

Health Care, my Lord, is dead.

It should have died hereafter;
The time for spin would have been post election.
Republicans, and Republicans, and Republicans,
Creep in their petty pace from state to state,
Till the last second of the open polls,
And all my speeches have lighted none but
yellow dogs. Out, Out brief majority!
Politics is but a poor speaker
that hams and haws and umms through his address
Until the prompter spurs his words. It is
The Ouroboros, circling endlessly,
Progressing nowhere.

Comment by Ernesto Gonzalez

It’s a Wonderful Life-Updated Version

Tuesday, December 22, 2009 \PM\.\Tue\.

In the above video we have George Bailey, brilliantly played by Jimmy Stewart, attempting to stem a bank run during the Great Depression.  Just in time for Christmas the indispensable Iowahawk updates this story.  We join Senator George Bailey attempting to explain his support for ObamaCare to his angry constituents:

It’s A Wonderful Bill

(with deep apologies to Frank Capra)

Scene 14: Christmas Eve, inside Bedford Falls Town Hall. Senator George Bailey confronts an angry mob of constituents protesting his vote on the new health care bill.
MAN #1
Come on Bailey, you can’t hide forever! Let us in!

Yeah, what is this mandatory insurance nonsense? Stop cowering behind that podium George! We want answers!

crowd erupts into shouting

Now now now, everybody calm down, see? If you’ll, well, see, just let me explain…

MAN #2
You should’ve explained these death panels before we elected you! Let’s get ’em!

WOMAN #2 (shaking pitchfork)

MAN #3
Hey, pipe down youse mugs, let the man talk. It’ll be 15 minutes before the tar is hot enough to pour. Out with it Bailey!

Well well, thank you for that Pete. Now folks, see, you just gotta understand how Washington works. Remember how you, you sent me there to bring back free things to Bedford Falls, like free heath care and jobs and that new George S. Bailey retractable midnight basketball court for the high school gym?

MAN #4
Hey Bailey, do know how many kids drowned at the prom last year from that stupid thing? 

Well, now now now, Clem, sure a few kids drowned. But look at all the jobs it created down at the Potter Retractable Basketball Floor factory. And that’s my point. Now, see, down in Washington there’s a whole Senate full of regular guys like you and you, and me, and we represent thousands of places just like Bedford Falls. And all of those places want their own jobs and healthcare and retractable basketball courts. And it turns out all of this costs money, so we have to get, well, revenues…

You mean taxes?

Well, yeah, Helen, if that’s how you want to put it. See, we put all those revenues in a, a, a, big pile there in Washington, and then we start making deals and such, to make sure we can all bring some home. Sometimes we run out, and have to make up for it with other fees…

MAN #2
You mean taxes? Why don’t you get it from Old Man Potter?

Yeah! Get it from Potter!

Now, now, I hate old man Potter just as much as the rest of you. Maybe more. He lives in that cold old mansion up there on Beacon Hill, while you’re getting laid off and trying to make ends meet. It just isn’t right, and that’s why I organized the big ACORN march against him last year. But I’m telling you, even if we confiscated every penny he has, we couldn’t pay for your free universal health care. That’s why we have to charge you for some of it, and make sure you don’t use too much. But don’t worry, I sent my top trade representative Uncle Billy over to China to get a payday loan for the rest.

 Go over to Iowahawk here to read the whole hilarious thing.